Karaoke
by mileouttahell
Summary: Look what the darn muggle studies teacher is making the students do! (mild slash warning) [notes on songs added 5/18]


Title: Karaoke

Author: Ivy McPhale

Warnings: Slash. Silliness.

Notes: As the title implies, the characters are singing the strangest things I could think of for them to sing. Just don't ask me what I was thinking. Please.

Notes on the songs used can be found at the bottom.

"Remind me why we're doing this again?" Draco said grouchily, surveying the group of seventh-year Slytherins and Gryffindors preparing to do some horrifying thing that muggles called "karaoke".

"Because Dumbledore decided to make Muggle studies a required class and the teacher thought that this would be "fun"? Hermione suggested.

"That's what she said about soccer, too."

"Oh yeah."

He looked at the piece of paper in his hands. "And why do I have to sing with Potter?"

"Because Professor Smith said you two need to learn to get along?"

"And what is this song?"

Hermione took the paper. She looked at it for a minute before breaking into barely-contained laughter, because she didn't want to disturb Ron, singing, "I'll Make a Man Out of You" in the general direction of Parvati, dressed up as Mulan, who was trying not to laugh. [1]

"Are you singing this to other people or to each other?"

Draco regarded her suspiciously. "How should I know?"

And then it was Hermione's turn to go sing, "Hopelessly Devoted to You". From there, they went through Dean and Seamus singing "You're the One that I Want," Neville singing (or squeaking), "I Dreamed a Dream" and Crabbe and Goyle grunting out, "Yellow Submarine" before it was Draco and Harry's turn to sing their song. [3]

The lyrics popped up on the screen in front of Draco and Harry while a picture of Don McLean made faces at them. "What the hell is this, Potter?" Draco hissed.

"How the hell should I know, but I don't want to fail!" Harry hissed back. "Just sing!"

Both: One, two, three, four!

DRACO: Fortune has me well in hand, armies 'wait my command

My gold lies in a foreign land buried deep beneath the sand

HARRY: The angels guide my ev'ry tread, my enemies are sick or dead

But all the victories I've led haven't brought you to my bed

[In the audience, HERMIONE snickers and RON chokes on the water he was drinking.]

BOTH: [beginning a glaring match] You see, everybody loves me, baby, what's the matter with you?

Won'tcha tell me what did I do to offend you?

DRACO: [glaring harder] Now the purest race I've bred to be to live in my democracy

And the highest human pedigree awaits the first-born boy baby

HARRY: [glaring harder still] And my face on ev'ry coin engraved, the anarchists are all enslaved

My own flag is forever waved by the grateful people I have saved

BOTH: You see, everybody loves me, baby, what's the matter with you?

Won'tcha tell me what did I do to offend you?

DRACO: Now, no man is beyond my claim when land is seized in the people's name

By evil men who rob and maim, if war is hell, I'm not to blame!

HARRY: Why, you can't blame me, I'm Heaven's child, I'm the second son of Mary mild

And I'm twice removed from Oscar Wilde, but he didn't mind, why, he just smiled

HARRY: Yes, and the ocean parts when I walk through, and the clouds dissolve and the sky turns blue

I'm held in very great value by everyone I meet but you

'cause I've used my talents as I could, I've done some bad, I've done some good

DRACO: I did a whole lot better than they thought I would so, c'mon and treat me like you should!

BOTH: Because everybody loves me, baby, what's the matter with you?

Won'tcha tell me what did I do to offend you? 

Everybody loves me, baby, what's the matter with you?

Won'tcha tell me what did I do to offend you?

Yeah, everybody loves me, baby, what's the matter with you?

Won'tcha tell me what did I do to offend you? [3]

[Still glaring, DRACO grabs HARRY and yanks him behind the stage curtains. Noise ensues.]

HERMIONE: Are they really fighting back there?

RON: More importantly do we even care or wanna find out?

HERMIONE: ... 

[1] I think this one is pretty obvious, but it's I'll Make a Man Out of You from Mulan.

[2] Hopelessly Devoted to You and The One that I Want are both from Grease. Yellow Submarine is by the Beatles.

[3] The song Harry and Draco are singing is "Everybody Loves Me, Baby" by Don Mclean (of American Pie fame). It's hard to find, but hilarious and well worth it.


End file.
